To dream is to love. Dream BIG.

So, yesterday I mentioned that I have been pondering a lot of things. Those things that I have been thinking of are goals that I would like to accomplish. I am a dreamer. That much has never changed. I dream big. I don't know that I have ever really achieved any big goals though. Oh, sure, I graduated from high school. I graduated from College. I am married to my high school sweetheart. We have 3 fantastic children. We own our home. I just started a real estate course. And the list goes on and on and while those things are all laudable, I think of them as things that are a natural part of life. I do know there are others out there that would draw outrage to that statement, but please, hear me out. My intention is NEVER to downplay the very real struggle that anyone faces. For example, some are not able to have children and it is painful. My point of view, however, is that I've always been fertile Myrtle. That is not my struggle and I am absolutely grateful for that blessing, as I am with everything I have been blessed with. My point of view is not your point of view. Not everything we have accomplished has been easy. Some of those blessings continue to be a struggle, but we are grateful for those struggles. Now that I'm done rambling I'll try to get back on track. I struggle with achieving things. Goals as simple as getting my laundry done are really hard for me. I find that I lack the drive to accomplish even simple tasks. So why then would I set me any "impossible" goals? Wouldn't that just ensure my failure? I want to prove to myself that I can do it! I want to get my life in balance. I want to be remembered as the fun wife and mother. I want my husband to see me do something hard that I set out to do. Most importantly though, I want my children to see that they can do anything they set their minds to. It CAN be done, even an "impossible" dream. Now, I would like to let you know what those goals I have set for myself are. These are goals I would like to have accomplished by June 2016 (one year): Goal #1 is quite possibly the most important goal: STOP being afraid of change! This is the one thing most likely to hold me back. #2- Build my own Indo Board (for those who don't know what that is, look here ) #3- Learn to use the Indo Board #4- Learn to kayak (we were given a set of kayaks last year. They've never been used.) #5- Be able to run at least 1 full mile #6- Be able to start the lawn mower myself (yup, I can't do it. I can't pull the cord hard enough!) #7- Build my own SUP ( ) #8- Learn to use the SUP #9- Kayak/SUP the Provo River at least once I know some of these seem pointless, but I have always wanted to be proficient at water sports (not expert. Just good.). It is one of my dreams. One of my "impossibe" dreams. Dream BIG!

To dream is to live. Live the impossible dream.

Alright, cheesy. I know. There is a reason for that. I have spent today contemplating a lot and deciding several things (which I won't go into just yet). These contemplations and decisions can be life changing. I think that sometimes we get caught up in the "how" and we forget the "why". These are my "how's": 1- I am afraid of changing. I've known this for a while, but I've always been afraid of admitting it. Admitting my fear is almost like admitting defeat. Does it make things easier by admitting it? No. Not at all. Honestly, it feels like it doesn't change anything. If it does change anything, the only thing it changes is now I know that my efforts are going to be THAT much more difficult but THAT much more rewarding if I accomplish them. 2- My dreams SEEM impossible but that doesn't mean that they ARE impossible. Honestly, it's only impossible if I never try. (Again, cheesy. I know.) So, now I have to ask myself: If I have set goals, some of which I can start training for now, at home, why then am I sitting here writing a blog entry instead of starting on my goals? Short answer: because I'm still afraid. I am procrastinating RIGHT NOW! As I write these words, I am putting off starting. Why? This leads me to my third realization. 3- I don't actually know what I'm doing. I am CLUELESS! Lack of knowledge, the unknown, can make even the most benign situations THAT much scarier! I don't quite understand some, (if not all), of the things that it will take for me to accomplish my goals. I just don't know it! I have to learn EVERYTHING from square one and that's scary and intimidating and I am using writing as a coping mechanism. I am using the page as my own personal therapist to help me try to work through these issues. That is why I am writing as if I'm having a conversation. I did have one more realization. One VERY important discovery tonight. Possibly the most important in this whole endeavor: ANTHONY SUPPORTS ME 100%! Even though my dreams sound crazy, (even to me!), and even though they SEEM impossible he told me tonight when I opened up to him and shared my dreams with him: "I think you should go for it! I really do. It all sounds interesting. Heck, there are things I'd like to accomplish too. I think you should do it." Do you know how awesome it felt hearing him say that?! It was AWESOME! He didn't question anything! He didn't even doubt anything and maybe, (just maybe), I might be able to help inspire/motivate/push him to accomplish those goals that he would like to set for himself. I heartily believe we can do it. I firmly believe it will be hard and we will undoubtedly have times where we will want to give up. With all of these new goals plus work plus housework plus schooling plus kids plus the other plethora of things that happen in life, our lives will be getting pretty difficult, it's true. But, it's never an easy path when it comes to improving yourself. I just hope and pray for the fortitude to see it through. We won't be perfect 100% of the time. not even close! But, if we give everything an honest effort, we CAN succeed. That much I know to be true. It's all up to us to live our impossible dreams.